Thursday, 29 January 2009

Belly Dancing

hell it as much fun as you can have with your clothes on (well thats legal anyway)

hilerious nothing like been stuck in a room full of crazy woman getting in touch with their inner goddess

I can feel it now you want to see my camel (and I'm not talking about wearing too tight jeans)

As some of you will know I have restarted my social experiment of internet dating sites and am slowly making my way through the unloved uncared for and those that must be on a list somewhere.

It is funny how many guys seem to think this normal dating site is adult friend finder - it that whole I've got wine in my fridge and I want to get to know you better oh and whats your favourite sexual position thing . . . . that makes me laugh

salsa for beginners

Theres nothing like being trapped in a room (or in this case a bar) where the smell of desperation hangs like jazz aftershave at an eighties disco

I rock up to meet my group of fellow lonely loser people with their fixed smiles and polite conversation, casting an eye of the group I was able to boost my self esteem by realising even though I'm packing a few pounds at the moment (don't panic green peace aren't breaking my door down to save me) that I'm still near the top.

Now I know there will be a few of you saying it's whats on the inside that counts and yes it is but I have found over the years that the average person doesn't really care if your nice if you look like you should be ironing your dresses on a wok.

Now for all you that require a review of salsa and it's fun dancing was great fun but the men . .. . . I'm saving myself for Anne Summers delights

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Looking back

life is messy
sometimes we bury things so deeply in our minds to try and subconciously protect ourselves but like melons on a hot summers days all it needs is a tiny tap for it to all burst open.

I am better than I was I no longer panic and start crying if someone tries to touch me

on a funny note if you ever want to see comedy in motion it is I at a salsa evening

for true entertainment I'm off to a belly dancing class thursday night

I'm out of words alot at the moment

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

life is like riding a bicycle

you won't fall off unless you stop pedalling!

Had five hours sleep
entertained myself by logging onto a dating site for an hour (77 hits and twenty emails) nothing like boosting your self confidence . . who cares if most of them looked like escapee's from a horror film
Off to salsa dancing tonight (feck I'm turning into a clique)

me love you long time


Sunday, 25 January 2009

happy New Year

We are now in the year of the Ox
It is Australia day
so a large percentage of the world has a hangover or are like the troupers they are drinking through the barrier

I'm going to work on my new years reslolutions (just not today)

and get this for being an ass wipe moment

I got a text to my cell on saturday asking me to a gathering from someone I didn't know
Turns out it was Rob trying to trick me into going to something
silly twat

doing my happy dance he is gone today
can we draw a line in the sand over all that mess
we did and yipee he won't be back for six months

searching for the pieces of a broken me

sleep still runs from me leaving me wondering in this twilight feeling of jetlag
It is the chinese new year to night we are leaving the golden rat
hopefully the new year will reveal more little pieces so I can keep gathering them up and sticking myself back together.
THis sleep deprivation is my mind and body trying to get to a safe place within it's self
The best way to explain it is what is the biggest thing you are scared of
imagine locking yourself in a small confined place with it
basically facing your own biggest demons without sharing the secret

Friday, 23 January 2009

full house

I have Doggyblog and a friend coming to stay this weekend
so the bubbly is on chill
I have a fridge full of girlie food ( I normally eat my own body weight everyday)
and I have to clean a bit and make up the beds
so I will be sleeping on the couch but . . . I don't really sleep at the moment so am doing my villiage of the dammed look at the moment

thought for the day
if turkey ham was created naturually that would be one hell of a light off don't tell anyone moment

Thursday, 22 January 2009

intervention required

back to my original thought
facebook is the work of the devil
I mean where else can you have details of someone you were shagging off the four walls this time last week
posting details that he has a romantic evening planned candles wine doors music on . . . .
I pmed him before I could stop myself
so guess I'm not alright about this I mean for fuck sake I log on and it shows up how bastard is that

Situations vacant!! please apply within

THis morning I woke looked in the mirror and laughed at myself
I look a MESS
but hey I'm not proud
Roll on summer I need to get some sun on my ass

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

moving on swiftly

ok it was a fortnight of great sex and lies but luckerly theres no video tape kids
and I think theres about 9 moves in a almost one night stand if that helps anyone
oh and my balance has improved snort
I'm going to miss the sex
but I'm not cut out for the lies to me and of course to everyone else
I didn't say . . . .
ooops few big old dirty secrets floating around here folks
it would have made a good sitcom folks

I can't do this

I can't write about this
you would think that
falling for a big lie wouldn't be that big of a thing
it's not a big thing you think after the rapes and the abuse and everything else nothing would get to me
but this has
so putting on my game face kids

it's finished but how did it start?

How did this all start
We were just friends after all in the same group of people that knock around and get drunk together
It was just a Sunday - he said he would cook and we would do DVD's I didn't think nothing of it I just presumed that other people would turn up at some time
He's a mate
So I rocked up to his apartment round 12 the hair of the dog was issued while we waited for the meal to finish
He had set the table
We ate chatted randomly
Drinking vodka with a splash of coke for color
Watched the Kingdom my legs slumped over him cat balanced on my chest (animals adore me )
Slung the next DVD on we changed positions as I had a bad back so he suggested I just prop up against him
Things started getting a bit hot and messy
I decided to leave
he is not my typical type
This is the point of descent
still trying to clear my head over all of this

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

A new year is caste over the city

New years I choose to spend with new friends I had the choice of old friends but the complexities of going to York would have put me in the same situation I would have been it I hadn't gone to Tristrams last year.

My friend has a apartment in the finance district with an internal courtyard the traditional cream leather furniture which we are all supposed to want now but one of the things that she loves most of all are her pots and pans and a giant house plant. This woman is one of thee most nicest caring people you will ever meet we are slowly building up the links that form with 21st century singletons in their thirties, in a city that is absent of community

We drank and partied till 3am I took photos and a friend took photo's with my camera while I was chatting to people
There seemed to be an unease to the beginning of this new year I put that down to the fact that we were a room of people in flux not settled in the destination of where we all needed to be,

I tried ringing a friend to wish him happy new year but his line was ringing dead

The boy commented on the fact later that most guys that night were trying to look down my top . . .


this is not quite the beginnings of messiness

but you

Monday, 19 January 2009

Staggering on quickly

The period between Christmas and new year was me being a good daughter/friend/ bla bla taking brisk walks in the country side visiting resthomes and having really close friends tentively asking if I was ready to meet anyone yet.
I worked over this time to because yet again being nice (it's a disease someone please send me a cure ) I worked so my co-workers could spend time with loved ones.
I'm trying to skip through things fast to get to new year
How Lemontov is really my agoney aunt (yes I know I need to get out and get laid ) how it needs to be - you don't need to like them you just need to like the look of them.
Anyway - There is a car crash fortnight coming up which I'm not proud of but it is funny in a tragic way

It was the day before Christmas

I'm going to pick up almost where I dropped off, give or take a few days.

We all reach certain milestones in our lives I turned 36 on Christmas eve and I felt like I was kissing so many things goodbye

I woke to emails and cards and presents just the cat and me in an empty nest, a sense of calm washing over me as for a few hours I had time to myself where I was not putting other peoples needs and wants first.

Yoko and I snuggling I thought about my life and realised that it will probably just be me, that it is unlikely I will have children or that happy picket fence

But . . .

Least I am safe, I no longer wake pinned by my throat by someone who loved me but had so many demons

that the only dismissive words I hear now are my own

no longer locked away

I am a very good godmother

Hi Honey I'm home

It's a new year
I'm back
and when you are all sitting comfortabably I will begin